I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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