I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
