Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
