I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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