Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
