I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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