You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i think my cat just said my name.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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