Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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