I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Drake has all the answers
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
