Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
