Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
