I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
