Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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