Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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