i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
