he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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