How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
