I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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