walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
