The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
