we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
