she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
