There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
