There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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