saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
