somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
