I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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