So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
