i think my tv is drunk
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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