One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
