sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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