ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I touched a dick in church today
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
