I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Duck Duck Cougar?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
is wine microwaveable?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
