Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
