I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
