Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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