i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
