oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
