i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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