P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
