why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
