Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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