from now on my penis is your penis
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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