You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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