im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
