my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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