I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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