You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
