im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
