I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
