Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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