I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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