Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
