When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
