You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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