dude i'm inner monologue high
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize