and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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