if you like me you must not know who I am
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
