this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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