shes about as inviting as chlamydia
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
