I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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