doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
