I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
