I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
