They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
