You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
