This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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