I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
