Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
