Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There are leaves in my underwear?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
