I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
